Beach, please


Just checkin’ in to say/gloat that the Kids and I finally made it to the beach. As I write this we’re gazing out to sea from the terrace of a cafe not far from Lonely Beach in Ko Chang, Thailand. The island is edging towards the end of its low season so the whole place is actually rather lonely at the moment, but apparently this area gets quite energetic when the backpackers stream in from November onwards.

The journey from Bangkok was long but comfortable. Boy didn’t see much of it as he was reading The Stand by Stephen King (and flinching horribly whenever anyone nearby coughed or sneezed – old Thai men seem to enjoy clearing their throats), but Girl and I enjoyed the view from the air-conditioned coach as the urban chaos of Bangkok dissolved into the mountainous green of the Thai countryside.

As the shuttle bus from the coach drop-off arrived on the pier, Girl took one look at the rusty piece of metal somehow floating on the bobbly sea waiting to take us to the island and exclaimed “OMG, seriously!?” Interestingly she doesn’t actually know what that stands for, she’s just heard her vlogger friends on Youtube saying it (Boy tells me it means ‘Orange Monkey Gonads’ – weird). Anyway, they were serious and we eventually set sail for Ko Chang at a pace slightly slower than a reluctant disabled turtle on dry land.

Our accommodation is spacious and now also safe after the mosquito genocide overseen by Girl. It’s surrounded by loads of bars, restaurants, hostels and even a gym (I’ll bet anyone three chocolate muffins that neither Boy nor Girl will so much as set foot on a treadmill). The Kids seem pleased although Girl threw a world class mardy this morning when the rain was pouring down as if the sea needed a quick refill. Happily, she recovered as the sky cleared and, after a hearty breakfast of pancakes (guess who) and bacon + scrambled eggs, we finally found the beach.

There were a few moments of extreme concern on the way. Getting to the beach required tiptoeing over a very narrow, very precarious wooden plank acting as a bridge over a stream that was deep enough to make for a very wet, VERY angry Kluk if something went wrong. Given that Boy was carrying me, I feared the worst but, miraculously, we made it to the other side with the only sign of dampness appearing in Boy’s shorts.

The beach itself is quite small but very peaceful (for now). We wandered all the way down with the Kids casting envious glances at the sea-view bungalows with pools before we got down to the business of my photo shoot (what can I say? Star quality).*

The highlight of the day has undoubtedly been spotting a load of monkeys by the road running, fighting and trying to make new monkeys. Thankfully, Boy made no attempt to return to his natural habitat despite the obvious temptation. Right now, the Kids are drinking cheap Lipton Ice Tea as slowly as possible so that we can stay on this terrace to watch the sunset.

This is the life. Talk to you soon,


*I am available for a range of modeling work. I’m expensive but worth it. You can contact me directly via the comments section as my agent is currently away.


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